The Trail

Travel — tap Go/Whoa to ride; the world scrolls and hunger, thirst, and energy drain only while you're moving
Care on the trail — a prompt appears at shrubbery (Eat) or water (Drink) to refill the matching meter
Barns — rest overnight to recover health and start a new day
Nothing ever dies — neglect only makes a horse look worried; health never bottoms out
Yes, there's a poop meter. It's exactly as silly as it sounds

The Herd

Vibes — a happiness meter per horse that drains from boredom, bench anxiety, active ailments, withdrawal, and jealousy; rotating your roster helps with most of it
Despair — a latching second meter. Once it's up, riding, snacks, and outfits cannot bring it down — only therapy, the Woo Wagon, the pharmacy, or rehab can
The goth transformation — Bummed → Melancholy → Emo → Goth Ascendant. The coat goes cool and desaturated, and at full ascension the horse gets a personal rain cloud
47 ailments across injury, dental, mental, habits, body, and unexplained — each with a severity ladder that escalates if ignored, and comorbidity chains (a vape habit becomes a dental problem becomes a despair problem, each its own bill)
The Maladydex — all 47 ailments as a collection screen, grayed until experienced
The Horsédex — collect 100 unique horses; meet a special themed horse every month

Seven trail venues — Dr. Hoofman's Walk-In, Cavity Canyon Dental, The Therapy Yurt, Chad's Woo Wagon, Bramble & Sons Compounding, Puff Pasture, and Swole Stables — 55 services between them
Therapy is the most expensive tier, and the one that reliably works
Vices give a real, immediate buff and build dependency; withdrawal bites when you stop — but every vice has a free exit (Cold Turkey), so nobody is ever walled in
Odd jobs — 18 gigs paying 40–180 schmeckles, which is what makes the medical tier affordable

Overnight stable incidents — a despairing stabled horse might paint a mural, start a podcast, run up a tab, steal from the jar, burn part of the stable, or open every gate; each files an Incident Report you read the next morning
The recovery run — released horses leave hoofprints on the trail; the sixth trace always finds one, and anything still missing after three days wanders home on its own. A horse can never be lost for good
Rare and legendary horses are never released

Meet playful foals along the trail; raise one right and it grows into a full-size horse with opinions of its own
Pick which horse to ride each morning, and rename any of them whatever you like
Dress up your horses with hats, shades, scarves, capes, costumes — even a skateboard

Free to download. The full game is included, no purchase required — optional Schmeckle currency packs exist if you'd rather skip the grind
No ads, ever. No accounts, no personal data collected — just anonymous usage diagnostics
Meters only change while you're actually playing — no pressure when the app is closed
Optional leaderboard: share your scores publicly if you choose to open it
Progress, horses, and the names you give them are saved on-device and backed up to your own private iCloud